“I Have a Really Tricky Time Hearing Folks That Don’t Believe in Themselves” – Ted Lasso
How many of you who are reading this have watched the Ted Lasso series on Apple TV?
For quite a few years I refused to watch it – thinking it would be a silly frivolous football comedy series – and anyway I’m not a huge footie fan as it is. Then in the middle of last winter I thought I would “just take a look”. I was hooked before the end of the first episode. It’s far from frivolous – I found it wise, humane, kind, philosophical, funny, sad and a whole lot more. Ted came out with some beautiful quips, such as the title of this blog. I hope you find it helpful if you, or someone you know, is running that very common programme of “I don’t believe in myself” or “I’m not good enough”.
There’s a certain heaviness that comes over me when I hear someone say, “I can’t do it,” or “I’m not good enough.” It’s as if the air thickens, making it harder to breathe. This isn’t just a poetic exaggeration; I genuinely have a hard time hearing those who don’t believe in themselves. It’s frustrating, sad, and more often than not leaves me feeling helpless because I know that the battle being fought is mostly internal—and the solution lies within themselves.
The Power of Believing in Yourself
Self-belief and feeling good about yourself and your abilities isn’t just nice-to-have; it’s a necessity. It’s the fuel that drives you to pursue your dreams, to face challenges head-on, and to keep going even when the road gets tough. Without it, you’re like a car without any petrol in the tank – stuck in a place, unable to move forward, no matter how much you might want to.
Do you realise, when you don’t believe in yourself, you’re actually sabotaging your own potential. You’re limiting yourself in what you can achieve which is based on a distorted perception of your abilities. It’s like being in a prison where the door is wide open, but you choose to stay inside because you believe you can’t step out.
It’s hard to hear someone who doubts themselves because, from the outside, their potential is often so evident. Their strengths, their talents, and all the possibilities that lie before them can be seen. I wish they could see that they are capable of so much more and can reach their full potential with a wee bit of help.
But it’s not that simple.
Self-doubt is a deep-rooted issue, often resulting from past experiences, failures, or even the words of others. It’s like a shadow that looms over everything you do, and no matter how much you try to reassure others, it often feels like your words fall on deaf ears.
When someone doesn’t believe in themselves, it doesn’t just affect them—it impacts those around them as well. It can be incredibly draining to constantly try to lift someone up, only for them to pull themselves back down. It can create a cycle of frustration, where you feel like you’re pouring your energy into a bottomless pit.
Moreover, self-doubt can be contagious. If you’re surrounded by people who don’t believe in themselves, it can start to chip away at your own confidence. You might find yourself second-guessing your abilities, wondering if maybe they’re right—if maybe you’re not as capable as you thought.
So, what can be done to help someone who doesn’t believe in themselves? It’s not an easy fix, but here are a few that can help:
- Sometimes, people need to see themselves through someone else’s eyes. Reflect their strengths back to them. Remind them of their past achievements and the obstacles they’ve overcome. Help them see that they are more capable than they give themselves credit for.
- Self-belief doesn’t happen overnight. Encourage them to start with small, achievable goals. Each success will help build confidence and show them that they are capable of more than they realize.
- It’s easy to fall into the trap of pitying someone who doubts themselves, but this can often reinforce their negative self-image. Instead, offer support and encouragement, but also challenge them to step out of their comfort zone.
- Change takes time. Don’t expect someone to suddenly start believing in themselves because of a single conversation or pep talk. Be patient and continue to be a source of positive reinforcement.
- It’s important to protect your own mental health as well. If someone’s self-doubt is starting to affect you, it’s okay to set boundaries. You can be supportive without letting their negativity bring you down.
Self-belief is a crucial ingredient for success, happiness, and fulfilment. It’s tough to see someone without it, especially when they have so much to offer the world is so evident. Forcing someone to believe in themselves can’t be done, but a guiding light can show someone how to find their way out of the darkness. And who knows? Maybe, one day, they’ll start to see what can be seen all along—that they are more than enough and know there’s help out there – and to help realise their potential which has no boundaries.
